lean not unto thine own understanding...

I woke up this morning fully expecting to go to work, just like I expected to do yesterday.  As we were getting ready, those plans came to a screeching halt!  I missed work yesterday because my daughter, Emma, was sick, and today wouldn't be any different.  It's been a long winter with sickness for both of us; if it wasn't at the same time, it was one of us or the other.  I've heard it's been a hard winter on a lot of people...nasty germs!!  Anyway, when she stayed home from school yesterday, I told her I was so happy and thankful to be able to take care of her.  Today isn't any different...I love being her mom and can't express enough how I want to be there for her! 

There was a problem, though.  I had a pit in my stomach about canceling my substitute teaching job.  I called the computer generated system THREE times before I could work up the nerve to hit #2 to cancel.  My mind was racing.  ...Will I continue to be called for other jobs??  How will I pay my bills??  What about all of the school days Emma has already missed????...  Single or married, you all know how that feels; I'm sure.  It's the dread of the unknown...the pressure of being responsible, not only for yourself, but also for another human being who needs you beyond measure.

Making ALL of the decisions isn't always easy.  I do *love* having the freedom in making a lot of them (oooohhhhh yeah, is that nice sometimes!!!), BUT when the outcome could potentially be negative, I WANT MY MOMMY!!!  Do I have to be an adult??!?  I had that phone in my hand and the anxiety was setting in.  Without thinking, I started praying.  Lord, help me to make the right decision here.  Cancel the job and take her to the doctor or send her to Mom's and wait to see if she gets better?  I kept praying the same thing over and over.  All of the sudden I mentally heard that still voice in my chaotic prayer.  "Trust me.  Trust me."  It's amazing how in asking God for the right thing to do, my thoughts STILL shifted to the potential problems and fear when I had the answer!  Giving that "control" over is hard, even when I asked, and yes, even when I wanted the answer!  I heard it again.  "Trust me."  It was then I dialed the third call and actually declined the job.  I hung up, and right away the fear left me.  God would take care of us, just like He has always immeasurably done.

You know what?  We got an appointment right in the morning.  She has a sinus infection, just like I thought.  That headache she's had for two days straight will go away.  Emma was ok being at the doctor's office.  She really gets scared going, and had to sit in the car a minute when we got there because she was nauseous and dizzy. (When she was little, she had too many shots at the doctor before those tonsils came out!  Poor kid!).  As we were leaving, she looked at me and said, "Well, all that worrying and being scared was for nothing!"  Geesh, I didn't even say anything to her about it.  It felt good that she recognized that, and said it out loud!  I must have planted some good seeds along the way, and it's really great to see those seeds growing.  I'm glad to be reminded that I'm making some right choices.  (ummm...sometimes, not so much!  You know those times when your kid has an attitude that's not cool, and you *know* that they are only being your "mini-me"?? ugh.  Ahhh, well, that's a topic for another time. lol)  Anyway, back to the end of the story...No payment was due at the doctor's office (I thought I had to pay a $20 copay??), and when we went to CVS to get the prescription filled, there wasn't any charge there either!  This afternoon, I sold something on eBay, and they paid right away.  Even better, my phone rang a little bit ago with a job offer at my favorite school!  My worries and fears, just like Emma's, were all for nothing!

Something else even greater happened today too.  Right after I told Emma I was staying home with her, she hugged me and said in a small voice, "You are?"  I looked into her beautiful brown eyes and saw such contentment.  happiness.  such love.  and the peace of being loved and wanted.  You know, I really crave that security and acceptance too.  Some days, I ache for that kind of love from another human being.  The fact is, that unconditional love is always right in front of me.  It surrounds me.  It is deep inside my heart, even when I don't feel like it's there.  Today, my Heavenly Father gave me a whole day as a reminder of that love.  He's seeing all of same things in my eyes that I saw in Emma's.  I feel Him smiling down upon me, and His arms tight around me.  Through all of these circumstances, He is showing me that I am NOT doing this life alone.  He's got me in the palm of His mighty hand.

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."  Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

  



   

 

and so it begins...

I sat down to do a little facebooking and looking around the internet tonight, and as I was typing a post for my facebook, I thought, "This post sounds like something I'd write in my blog!".  I've really had a blog for a long time...you just didn't know it!  I've also written books, redecorated my house in 20 minutes, sang professionally, restored a multitude of homes and log cabins, along with many, many other things...all in my MIND, of course! ;)  Dreaming is, as my Uncle Kim put it years ago, "Free HBO".  I think my dreaming is somewhere in the middle of TLC and heaven. Some of my dreams at night, though, are probably free HBO because they get pretty crazy!  My daydream blog is absolutely FANTASTIC.  I wish you could see it!  Anyway, this is the "official" start of my *real* blog. (YAY!!)  It will evolve, I'm sure.  Maybe one day it will be as fantastic as the one in my mind, but for now I am happy just to start it!  So...drum roll, please!...here is what I started typing on facebook, along with some other thoughts:

Sometimes I chuckle at magazines, tv shows and internet articles talking about slashing your budget, how thrifting is cool, and repurposing is all the rage; mostly all due to this bad economy. There are those of us that have lived this way our whole lives!! We were smart before it was "cool".  Apparently we were ahead of the times!  Then, I started thinking about the fact that some people didn't have the kind of upbringing I had.  There are people from all walks of life.  We are all unique and, thankfully, are not "cookie cutter" people!  I had hardworking grandparents who made it through the depression and passed their life lessons on to my parents during the lean times of their childhoods.  My Grandma Plew's motto was, "Waste Not, Want Not." I try not to waste, but I definitely don't have the not wasting thing down like my grandma did!  My parents did a bang up job of teaching my siblings and I frugality.  Looking back, we didn't have a lot of money, but I never really felt it.  Dad & Mom fixed what was broken, shopped sales, clearance, salvage & second hand; clipped coupons and, sure, sometimes bought things at regular price. In all honesty, even though we had our problems (who doesn't?!?), I had an ideal childhood; a good Christian home with lots of love, two parents together, an older sister, a younger sister, and the youngest; a brother...complete with cats and dogs along the way. =)

Since I don't have the Superwoman capabilities in real life that I do in my daily thoughts, I think this is a good place to stop.  Thank you for joining me on my blogging adventure!  I hope you will continue to follow me through whatever this journey may bring.  Before I go, I will leave you with a picture of me...